On my way tol the rec hall tonight I looked up and saw this humongous, clear and oh so bright moon and remember thinking to myself how spectacular it looked and knowing that somewhere so many hundreds of miles away my husband and my son aqre under that same moon.

I had a pretty good day, well most of it.  I went for my first part of the driving eval, which isn’t driving but paperwork and eye tests, which I passed them all.  Next week I try behind the wheel.  Then I went to PT to make sure I could drive the chair I got yesterday.  I could but some adjustments had to be made for these long legs of mine so I ended up with a newer chair.  But it is only to use while here since my arms are way to strong to keep one.  Or so they say.  Then I started my business trial, and duh, it’s easy.  But the best part of today is when I went to my counselor to talk.  When she saw me she told me to wait in the waiting area because she wanted to talk to me.  First thought was oh gosh what did I do but it all turned out good.  She is going to make sure that I get “every thing” that I came up here for.  Well wait, not every thing, she can’t help with Wally, but everything else.   Hearing her tell me that today was the best thing I’ve heard in, well about a week, I heard Christian tell me that he loves me then so that is better to hear than anything else in this world.

Now for the sad part of the night.  I know I could come up with so many other more creative words but sad is the only word that discribes the night’s events because that truely is all that it was.  Get to the rec hall tonight and am sitting there chatting with some friends when another friend runs up and tells us that someone just died.  None of the others believed him but me so I followed him when he ran off.  So I get to where he is and there the girl was face down on a bench totally limp and lifeless.  No pulse or anything.  Someone called 911 and they closed off the area where she was.  I was sitting there in shock, I don’t remember ever being that close to someone who had just died.  A few minutes later I got to looking around and all but maybe two people were already forgetting what had happened.  Some hadn’t quit what they were doing in the first place.  People were all piled up asking what had happened and then laughing about it.   Some were telling jokes, some playing cards, some watching tv, some even leaving for a field trip.  A girl had just died and no one as much as shut up for just a second.  No one offered to say a prayer.  Nothing.   I said a silent prayer begging GOD that if there was any way at all to put her soul back in her body to please do it and let this young girl live.  But in some situations that isn’t enough.  I sat there for nearly an hour watching them act as though nothing had happened, wondering if her spirit might be there and see them all, and almost in tears to think that out of all those people no one had it in them to ask the others to join in prayer for this girl, for her soul.  I think I should have been that person. I should have said something.  Some people are now saying that she is alive and in the hospital, some say she died.  I’m not sure.  But if she is alive, thank You GOD!

Well I”m off for tonight.

Goodnight Christian.  I love you all the way to heaven and back!

Man!  It is so cold! 12 degrees!  Brrr………..

Goodnight Christian.  I love you all the way to the moon and back!

Some people say that all good things must come to an end.  I suppose that’s what just happened to my Saturday.  Today went okay.  I rolled around a lot and found that I didn’t get tired as fast as I normally do.  Claudia and I talked a lot today.  Went to the late night movie thing, which I just got back from.  They played Saw III and while it was a good movie the whole time I was there my mind was somewhere else missing old memories. 

I am going to bed for tonight.  Got another long day coming up.

Goodnight Christian.  I love you, all the way to the moon and back!

So how are all of you who might be reading this tonight?  Me, I’m exhausted!  For the rest of the weekend I do whatever I choose, so in the morning I’m sleeping in, at least until 10.  I did two job evaluations today.  Floral design which I got high marks in and child care and I’m doing more with that Monday.  I am doing childcare for 5 to 11 year olds.  They asked today if I’d be willing to come back for classes, probably business/childcare.  I told her I might.

I met a few new people today.  Thus far the one I am most comfortable talking to is Claudia.  How could anyone not automatically love her to death.  She is so sweet.  I dunno why but I get this mother-goose protective feeling with her.  Her Mom is coming tomorrow.  I can’t wait to hear her talk.  Claudia is from El Salvador.

Sunday Claudia and I are gooing to the chapel for a church service.  I wonder what it is going to be like.

I got to talk to Daddy tonight.  When I called to ask Mom to call Christian for me she told me that Daddy had told her he wanted to talk to me too.  Judy is the one who called and talked first.    I think they are surprised that I actually came.  I think just about everyone is shocked that I didn’t back out.  But this is for my baby, my husxband, our family, and for me.

Goodnight Christian.  I love you all the way to the moon and back!

I love you too, Wally!

I just found this list on the website for the college campus.  I told ya’ll there’s a lot to do here.

The Recreation Services Department is housed in a complex which includes:

• large auditorium
• four-lane bowling alley
• indoor rifle and archery range
• billiard table
• table tennis
• foozball
• gymnasium
• television lounge
• darkroom
• weight room
• wheelchair-ramp equipped swimming pool
• craft and game rooms

Outdoor facilities include:

• basketball
• volleyball court
• tennis court
• horseshoe pits
• softball field
• lake with fishing piers
• boathouse with:
  • two rowboats
  • one Beaver boat
  • one Jon-boat
  • two canoes
  • two paddle boats

I wonder where I’ll be tomorrow night, hmm!?  I would be there right now but gosh it is too cold to have to roll across campus at a tortuise pace to get there just to have to turn around when I would finally get there to come back before dorm curfew.  Don’t think so.  Instead I’ll just sit here and chill tonight and go tomorrow when I get the motorized thingy they are getting for me while here.  After I learn to drive it that is.  Then I can just zoom there whenever I want to and not have to worry about my arms falling off, hahaha.

So today went pretty well.  I finished up the tests and in the morning am going to find out my schedule.  I’m a little disappointed with those, not what I scored b/c that was all fine, of course, but they could have been a lot higher if I had had time to finish everything.  It was timed tests, handwritten, and I write slow thanks to bad genetics.  I’m supposed to get extra time for that but oh well.  I still did very well, but that’s no where near good enough for me.

I may not have anything to do tomorrow other than to roll around.  I got to do some stuff that the others in my group didn’t and that threw me off track with them.  I find out in the morning though.

Okay, I’m going to answer a few questions from Tammy since I only have time to write this, I’ll send her a copy.

So how did your first day go?

Very well.  Although I do think my arms almost fell off haha!

What kind of classes do you have? 

Don’t know yet.  On the test results the top few areas were art (creative writing, poetry, drama, music, designing, editing, painting, etc ((whoda thought hehe)) ), science(medical, biology, chemistry, etc.), plants/animals (vet, animal caretaker, grooming, gardening, forrester, landscaping, etc.), prpotective (cop ((imagine that)), pi, guard, ranger, correction officver, probation officer, etc.), business, leading/influential stuff and a few more.  Ah and excellent marks with dealing with children and also adults who need assistance.

Why do you go to a different bathroom?

It’s bigger and more accessible wsith a roll-in shower to boot.

How was dinner…did you like it?

Let’s see.  The first day I had chicken pot pie, don’t remember yesterday, and today a beef fajita I think.  Their breakfast, lunch, and dinner schedules are too close together haha.  But I’m not eating after five so I’ll definately lose some pounds.

What time do you have to get up?  Are you tired?

I don’t “have” to get up at anytime but my first scheduled thing is at 8, breakfast at 7, so I get up at 6.  You can do whatever you want but if you miss too many things you go home.  And yes I am so tired, but oddly awake.  It is too light, can’t sleep well.

Are you getting enough assistance with bathroom and showering and all?

Yes but I told them yesterday that I’m really here for Christian and to learn to live independently so they are working with me to be able to do it with minimal assistance, but if I ask for help they are always there and ready.

Is it what you expected or different?

Not at all.  I was afraid to be alone, and Mom and Mama didn’t help with all they said either, but this is so great.  No one to answer to, no one to try to make decisions for you, and finally feeling like I have a life of my own.  I understand Ray now when he says he would’ve stayed here if not for missing Mom and Tammy.  I love it here..  But like Ray I love my child and husband too.

So I’m going to log off for tonight.  Got an early day tomorrow.  GOD bless all of you.

Goodnight Christian.  I love you all the way to the moon and back!

Good night Wally.  I love you, too!

Well I am now on the campus of Woodrow Wilson and I have survived thus far my first whole day here.  I was here after noon or so yesterday but that was an orientation thing.  So it is now 3:51 p.m. and other than one meeting later for some computer thing I am finished with everything and have the rest of the day to myself.  I’m not really sure what to do, there are so many options, bowling, pool, the art room, one of the lounges, or just sit here until dinner and write random stuff.  Hmm…

The little weatherbug alert thingy on my desktop has been going craxy this evening,  Isn’t it just such a great time for horrible, winter weather.  Sense the sarcasm?  This might be a good thing though.  Some lady on the phone said that if it snows I can come Tuesday.  That will give me Monday to work on some very important stuff, if I don’t get it done tomorrow.

Another late night for me.  Getting some stuff done that my uncle asked me to do for him.  It is unbelievable how different he is.  He actually talks to me now.  Perhaps he feels that he and I share similar emotional havocs.  I’m the only one who knows what he feels like.  And no this doesn’t get easier with time.

I’ve been thinking a lot today.  Thinking about how some things are supposed to work.  Like divorce, is it that easy to just sign me away?  Is it that easy to forget about me?  Does signing the dotted line meanhe signs away all of his feelings for me?  Or does he even have any feelings left for me, any love at all?  Not too long ago I listened as he told me that he loves me and that he needs me and then I have no idea what happened.   I didn’t hear anything else from him.

I haven’t posted it yet but a couple weeks ago my husband filed for divorce.  I think yet another part of my shattering heart fell and crashed.  He loves me!  Why would he do this?  We love each other.  All I can do though is give it to GOD.  HE’s taking care of it for me.

Everyone please pray for us.  Pray that Jesus lead us through this and back to one another.

Goodnight Christian and Wally.  I love y’all!

Wow.  I just had an emotional outpour and gosh what a relief that was.  And ya know it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  For the past few weeks I’ve been harboring all these emotions and all this confusion.  I’m sure you all know what all the emotions were about and most of the confusion.  Not knowing for sure is the hardest part.  But last week that confusion was immensified by something I don’t want to say but lets just say I heard something I’ve wanted to hear for a long time.  But was what I heard honest.  Anyway I was so sure that when I finally did break that it was going to be one of those like hell on earth and to be honest I was afraid of what I might do or want to do.  What can I say though, isn’t it awesome to have friends to talk to.  And Jesus to lean on.  I do gotta say though that I think I might have freaked out a new friend hehe. 

What caused me to finally crash to the bottom tonight was my little boy.  He wouldn’t talk to me on the phone again.  That breaks my heart.  When he is here he likes to even get on the phone in the other room and talk to me on it.  Maybe he just has stuff distracting him. 

I’m going to have another busy day tomorrow.  One of my sisters is going with me to take care of some paperwork before I leave Monday.  So I guess I’ll shut up and go to bed.

Goodnight Christian and Wally.  I love y’all!