I’m sitting here tonight in the midst of confusion, both around me and within me too.  This thing with my uncle has me having thoughts and feeling emotions that I know I shouldn’t be.  Everyone has been on edge about the whole situation and I’ve been the only one thinking clearly about it.  Like last night, something so obvious and no one put two and two together until I told them what was about to happen.  But today my mother said something that just got to me.  She was talking about how he was feeling a deep hurt and talking like he has a reason to kill himself, like that pain is too unbearable to live with.  What about me?   I have had to live with that unbearable pain for two years now.  They wouldn’t let me do anything.  But no, she acted like it isn’t the same for me as it is for him.  She said but you have made it this long, like that made it easier for me.  I don’t think so.  Time doesn’t heal some things.  But GOD can.  And will.  See, I shouldn’t be having these feelings of bitterness and I guess it’s jealousy.  Instead I should be thanking the LORD above for doing all that HE has and is doing for me and my marriage.  Who knows, maybe my stand and faith and trust will help to influence my uncle and show him what GOD can and will do if we just ask.

My day has been pretty uneventful, well other than all the drama from the situation with my uncle.  I think someone should report him as being a threat to himself.  I tried but they took the phone from me.  Sad to say it but I see them at his funeral saying “If only we had let her make that call.”  I hope and pray it doesn’t come to that but if someone doesn’t do something, and soon, then it will.  My uncle is in his own way screaming out for help and either they just aren’t hearing or they’re too afraid to do anything.  Or it could be that they are just all cowards or don’t care……..

So here I sit making proably my last entry of this year.  I might be inspired enough to write something else later today though.  Last year for New Year’s Eve as the ball was dropping I was writing a letter to my husband describing an imaginary church service that he and I and Christian were attending.  I don’t want to have to not be with him again.  But it’s worse this time because he isn’t even talking to me right now and according to some he hates me and never wants to talk to me again.  I don’t think that’s true though.  I hope and pray it isn’t.  If it is the least he could do is tell me.  It’s not like he can’t talk to me or anything because he can, Christian says he just doesn’t want to.  But again, I don’t believe that.

GOD is taking care of it all for me.  I just have to keep remembering and trusting in HIM.  Thank You, GOD!

Goodnight Christian and Wally.  I love y’all!