10.31.06
passing on a prayer request
Good afternoon friends..
It is with deep sadness that I share this bulletin.
My heart is so broken in this moment. I cry crocodile tears for an immense loss in my family.
On the news last night there was a story about a mother and her 19 year old son who were brutally attacked in their home. They lived two doors down from my own mother.
The young man, David, was viciously stabbed in his stomach, back, neck, arms and slashed across the face multiple times.When his mother, my neighbor of 40 years, like a sister to me and another daughter to my mother, returned to her home from work she found her son laying in a pool of blood.
She was whacked across the head with a baseball bat and accosted. The assailant was still in the home!!
This was a young friend of David’s who had been staying with them for several months until he was asked to leave for stealing items from the home.
When my mother called me last night she was hysterical! The events unfolded like something you’d see on Law & Order: CSI. The ambulance took David and his mother to the hospital.
Davide died just over an hour ago. I can’t bellieve it. I am hurting and I am asking for prayers for this family, my family, and for David’s assailant who will be caught and punished to the fullest extent of the law..
God bless you all.
Peace,
Mimi
tonight
Sitting here tonight with the sound of old love songs in the background and the television blaring while hundreds of thoughts flash through my mind. I’m wondering and worrying about so many things but oddly if you were to ask me what I’m thinking about right now I’d be unable to tell you one specific thought in this cluttered mind of mine. One good thing, they finally found my hair dryer, hahaha! So no these long, thick, strawberry locks can finally be dried and it doesn’t take three hours!
Jes brought her new boyfriend to meet me tonight. I think his name is Jerry, or something like that. What is it with her and the guys with J’s in their names? I probably appeared snobby and stuck up to him, but I can’t help it. With her if you’ve met one you’ve met them all, with the exception of Joe of course. And yeah get this, they started dating today and just guess where she is tonight. Yep, staying with him. That’s Jes though. When will she learn? This might be the one to straighten her up though, though I highly doubt that. Who am I kidding, only she can straighten herself up, she has to do that for herself. But will she?
Mom is planning on getting married before Christmas. I hate to think this way but I don’t want anything to do with it. She told me last night that she wants me to help plan it and all this and that. She told me she’d never want to have a wedding at all without me there. Well she might just have to like it or not. I’d just end up being despised for being in the way. I don’t want to crash their big day.
She told me today that his family will love me and love being around me and to do things with me. She made it sound so great. She said I’d have people that want me there and that really love and care for me. I had to keep looking away and finally leave the room so she wouldn’t see me cry. My family doesn’t want me, hers doesn’t either, why would I put myself up for another letdown. I don’t think I could stand another rejection. I don’t want anyone to love me, other than the two people that are my world. I don’t want to give anyone else the chance to hate me. I’m hated enough. Everyone who has ever met me hates me admit it or not. I just want to be left alone. If I can’t have love from the two I love the most then I don’t want any from anyone else.
I guess I’m off to dreamland in a few. I hope I wake up in better spirits than right now.
GOD be with me tonight. I know this self-loathing, depressing mood is just a trick of satan’s trying to get me to give up my faith in YOU, my hope, and trying to get me to pay attention to anything and everything but YOU. Help me to fight this off and help me to put my focus solely on YOU and doing what YOU would have me to do. Restore my hope in YOU and my faith in YOU. GOD I pray for YOU to do something in my life to make it so that I will never be able to doubt YOU again. I’d like to ask tonight that you be with my husband as he is sick and be with my little boy and protect him from catching whatever it is. I also pray for those around him for Your protection over them to keep them healthy. I ask that YOU have YOUR will with my life and use me to reach others with YOUR word, love, and glory. Last I want to ask for YOUR hand to keep me and my husband and son connected by spirit. Keep us in each others hearts and remind them that I do now and for ever will love them. I ask for YOUR intervention between my husband and me and I ask that YOU restore all that has been broken and our marraige. I’m standing for us, waiting for YOU to keep YOUR promise to me of restoration and I’ll stand until as a friend says the mountains crumble into the seas. I’ll wait for YOU LORD and I know you won’t fail me because you can’t. If I have to pray until all the water on the earth dries up then I’ll do just that. I also ask that YOU open the doors of communication between the two of us again oh LORD. LORD Solomon asked that you hear the foreigners prayers (Kings 
who come to YOU and give to them what is right for them and in YOUR will, FATHER I am one of those foreigners who has come to you and poured out the contents of my very heart before YOU GOD, remember what Solomon asked that day as he presented to you that grand Temple of GOD. YOU gave Solomon such a deep understanding of all around him, FATHER if you will share with me some of that understanding to help me to live and serve better for YOU and to make me a better example for others to see. I may not feel any love from the people around me but GOD I’m content with knowing I have and will for always have the love of the FATHER, my FATHER, and I’m grateful for that. Help me to be a strong vessel for YOU LORD. In Christ Jesus’ name I pray. Amen, and Amen…….
Goodnight Christian and Wally. I love y’all!
Powered by Qumana
10.29.06
how do I make him understand?
My little boy told me last night his daddy is sick. He acted so worried, telling me every little detail about what is wrong with him. But then he said something that really bothers me. He said but you won’t pray for him. I asked him why he would think that and he replied because you called the cops on him. He has been saying that for the past year and a half. And it really bothers me because it isn’t entirely true. But how do I make him understand that?
I remember that night so vividly, at least certain parts of it. I remember screaming for them to stop arguing, stop fighting, and it felt like I was silent, like I was the only one who could hear myself screaming. I don’t remember when exactly but I remember grabbing the phone thinking if they think I am going to call someone they’ll stop. And it did, it all stopped. I remember him taking the phone from me and putting it behind me on the kitchen table. Then I remember him leaving the room and going into the bedroom and I remember thinking about his knife I had made him put up so Christian couldn’t get to it and scared out of my mind that he was going to get that and hurt himself. I remember sitting there in the middle not knowing who to go to, my mother who I thought was dying or my husband who I loved with all my life. Before I could do either he came back in the room and at some point he came to me asking was I alright and where did all the blood on me come from. Then I remember Mom putting her hand to her head and then blood gushing. We all panicked, even him. She started panicking and crying and I could see it in her eyes that she thought she was going to die. For the first and only time in my life she looked so helpless. I remember it going through my head that I was that four year old girl again who watched my dad so often beat her to the edge of death while I took Jes and hid her in the closet. I didn’t remember anything but that look in her eyes. I don’t remember hos I got the phone, but I remember not being able to reach it. The next thing I remember I was asking for an ambulance, or trying to but they couldn’t understand me because of all the screaming. He was even telling me what to tell them and where to tell them to come. I didn’t call the cops, I asked for an ambulance! I remember them saying the cops were on their way. I remember telling him and him heading for the door and me begging him not to go anywhere afraid he’d be in more trouble if he ran. I remember thinking if he leaves he’ll kill himself before they find him.
I didn’t know what to do that night. I was caught in the middle of something that never should have happened. True Mom never should have been there. I knew that. But at the same time he never should have kept insisting that she came. A lot of things never should have happened.
But put yourselves in my shoes that night, what would you have done? If your very own mother was laying in front of you going in and out of consciousness and gushing blood from her head, what would you have done? I don’t care who it is, whether you like that person or not, no matter what sort of history you have with that person, anyone who had seen that would have called for an ambulance.
If I had known it wasn’t as bad as it looked I wouldn’t have done it, I wouldn’t have called anyone. But how was I to know that?
I don’t think calling 911 for an ambulance was doing anything wrong. I definitely don’t think that is grounds for my son to be told your mommy put your daddy in jail. But how do you get a five year old to understand that?
I love my husband and will always. Oddly that night made my love for him stronger because in his mind he was protecting me. I’ll never stop loving him nor will I stop praying for GOD to bring us back together and restore our marraige and our family. I hope and pray that he doesn’t think I intentionally called the cops to get him thrown in jail that night. He has told me that he knows I didn’t.
If it had been someone else who had gotten beat up by someone else, no one would say what I did was wrong. I wish I could go back and redo that night but I can’t. What’s done is done and all we can do is learn from our pasts.
GOD I would like to ask tonight that you be with my husband and help him with his sickness. Give him the strength of body to be able to get through it and get well. LORD I ask that you be with our little boy and not let him catch whatever this sickness is. Also let him know that his mommy loves him more than anything and that I will always. GOD also I pray for the words to let my little baby know that I did not intentionally do that to his daddy. It hurt my son more than understand this. FATHER, I know my husband’s family thinks that too. Please help them to understand that I was only trying to get my mother help and not to hurt my husband. GOD help them to see that I didn’t want anything to happen to him and that I am so sorry that it did anyway. Let them find it in their hearts to somehow understand me and to someday be able to forgive me. And let them all know that I still think of them as my family and will always love them as tha, they are the only family I have ever known or really made to feel like I was a part of. GOD I know that their opinions of me shouldn’t matter to me but GOD they do. Let my husband know I love him and forever will, no matter what. GOD I ask for YOUR intervention between the two of us to keep us connected. FATHER I’m not about to give up on our marraige and am trustingly waiting for fYOU to move for us, at least I’m trying. LORD help me to have more faith in YOU. I pray that YOU will show me a sign that will cause me to never doubt in YOU or YOUR love again. LORD my marraige needs a miracle, one that comes straight from YOUR hands. I am asking for that miracle and am going to humbly wait for YOU to move for me, for us. LORD, I ask all this in Your holy and powerful name, the only name that matters, Jesus Christ. Amen, and Amen.
Goodnight Christian and Wally. I love y’all!
Powered by Qumana
10.24.06
colors fade
Sitting here again trying to think up something to write about tonight. I sit here day after day with this window in front of me watching the moon as it rises and falls, watching as the sun comes and goes, lighting this enormous world that it seems I’ll never be a part of. Like I’m an outsider who is but reading a life-long book of this world that isn’t real but only a figment of my imagination.
I’ve watched the past few weeks, though it doesn’t seem more than a matter of days, as the trees are changing outside my window to the world. One day they are green and full of life, the next they are full of vibrant colors, and now that color is fading as the lifes disappears from one of GOD’s magnificent creations. Why couldn’t we be like that, our life able to flee from our bodies during the bad seasons of our lives and then we reawaken during the good seasons? It makes me sad to watch as everything around me dies yet again. If anyone had asked me two years ago where I thought I miight be today, I would have never even dared to imagine that I would be here, having seen all I have seen, felt all I have felt, heard all I have heard, and learned all I have learned. I keep thinking, hoping, that I will wake up and this have all been nothing more than a bad dream. But I have to keep reminding myself that everything that happens is for a reason and sometimes only GOD knows what that reason is.
I just got off the phone with Christian earlier. He is so prescious! I thank GOD for putting him in my life. When we said bye and I love you we go into another of those adorable little arguments about who loves the other more. I said "well how much do you love me" and he said "how much do you love me?". I told him "all of it" and then he said "I love you one, two, three………" all the way to thirty-nine and he forgot what came next haha. So cute!
Goodnight Christian and Wally. I love y’all, always!
Powered by Qumana
10.20.06
anger
One of my friends sent me a song earlier. When it finished transferring he told me to listen to it, he said it might unbore me haha. Well I wasn’t going to. He said why and I’m like because it isn’t gospel. So he said just listen to it and I might listen to one of your songs one of these days. So I did and then sent him "My Place in this World" by Michael Smith. Hehehe! I think that song will suit him well because, well, that’s what he is doing, searching for where he belongs.
So I asked for inspiration on what to write about tonight, and he said anger. Anger, hmm. What a broad subject. I could write about my lack of anger which is mentally hindering for me. Things have been done and said to me and around me throughout my life that I need to get mad about, but can’t. The Bible teaches us to forgive, but how do you do that if you can’t be mad to begin with. I could also talk about the anger that I do feel. I’m angry about all of these little yellow beetle bugs that some idiot dropped out of a plane yesterday. I’m angry about my body failing me. I’m angry that no one will honestly listen to me. I’m angry that people lie to me. I’m angry that I let my world crash around me almost two years ago. I’m angry that I don’t know the truth. I’m angry that there’s 20 miles between me and my child and husband. Shall I go on?
I saw on television earlier where these christian women were trying to let the world know how you’re actions are going to send you to hell, but they were trying to share the gospel through hate and anger. GOD is love, how can one spread or multiply love, with hate and anger and bitterness? It can’t be done. These three women said they are just trying to let all the gays know that what they are doing is sin. And they were downing them, trying to get them to see that. That isn’t the way to do it. You have to be an example, let your light shine. You can do everything according to the Bible, be one of the best people on earth, but if you have anger in you, and try to tell the people you have to be like me to get to heaven with anger and resentment, then it doesn’t matter how much you do right because that anger is wrong. It will make sinners not want to go to heaven if they think all the people there will be full of that anger. GOD is love people. You can’t scare anyone into serving GOD. Sure you can try but it won’t work, not for long anyway. GOD doesn’t want us to come to HIM and serve HIM because of fear of what will happen if we don’t. No. HE wants you to come to HIM out of love. How can you not love GOD, HE has loved us so much. Maybe instead of telling people of what they should fear if they don’t, perhaps try sharing all the love that GOD He has given to us since creation. Show love, not anger, anger gets no one no where. It’s like a child with a parent. If that parent makes that child fear them and is angry all the time, then that child might obey for a while, but as soon as they can they are going to leave. But if you raise a child with love, compassion, and caring, then they are going to love you in return.
Goodnight Christian and Wally. I love y’all!
Powered by Qumana
10.19.06
wanna be like her
I read the book of Ruth today in the Bible. Is it just me or are their parts in the Bible where it tells a story and when the story is over you still want to know more? Is that normal? Ruth is all that I wish I could be. I wish I could take care of people. I remember once Wally was so upset after getting a phone call that his dad had been in an accident and had been rushed to the hospital. He was frantic. And he kept saying "what will Mom do if he dies, she won’t have any money to live on?" I told him she could live with us or us with her. But I would have had my husband. Ruth didn’t have anyone. But still she said where you go, I go. Wow! What loyalty, what bravery, what love! Can you imagine back then, she gave up her chance of having a new life, of going back to her family, to stay where she felt she belonged. She would have been such a great person to meet!
Today something a little odd happened. As you all know, I have this one uncle who, well, we don’t see eye to eye on basicly anything. I’m a failure for him I guess, he always tried to be supportive of keeping my A+ average and he was sure that I was going to be the one in this family who went somewhere with life, and well when I got married instead of college he didn’t like it, and he and I haven’t gotten along since. I did something the other day to help him though. Hey, I have some compassion! It shocked him. So today he came in with just me here, he usually won’t come in at all because I am here, but today he was so nice. Still, I think something’s not right.
Something happened here last week, I won’t go into details but let’s just say that my mom and grandma constantly threatening me over this or that or whatever, well it blew up in their faces. And no, I didn’t do a thing. Didn’t have to.
Last night I had this strange dream that someone who doesn’t come here anymore was arguing with me saying she was going to do something. Well I told Mom today and she dreamed about her too, but she didn’t remember what the dream was. Anyway turns out today she might have done what I dreamed she said she was going to. Hmm…
I’m off for now. Half asleep.
Goodnight Christian and George. I love y’all!
Powered by Qumana
10.18.06
a nice forward
God still sits on the throne.
Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
My instructions were to pick four
people that
I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.
This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.
The prayer:
Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.
(If the Lord lays upon
your heart to send this to more than four "4" people, you are truly blessed).
10.16.06
Jesus Saves!
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said: "THAT'S IT! I have had enough ! I am going to
give you both a test that will run for two hours, and from the results, I
will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away at their test:
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and, of course, the power went
off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone!
It's all GONE!!
I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irrate: "Wait!" he screamed.
"That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't
have any?"
God just shrugged and said:
"Jesus saves."
Powered by Qumana
the video
Mom was sitting in there talking with Trigg tonight, and I saw her go toward the tv looking for something. I asked what she was trying to find and at first she acted like she didn’t want to tell me and said just something. Then she told me she wanted to show him my and Wally’s wedding video. I started tearing up and getting shakey as soon as she said it. Well she found it and played it. I almost burst into tears a few times, but instead I would pray and tell GOD that it was in HIS hands and I thank HIM for taking care of it for me. I have to admit I am so disappointed in myself when I watch that. I’m sure it was just where I was so nervous, which is so very apparent, but I didn’t seem to be putting my heart and soul into what was happening. I mean, I did mean every word I said and he did and does still have my whole heart, but it didn’t seem that I payed enough attention to what Audie was saying or didn’t put enough emotion into it all. You can tell I was on the verge of tears the whole time, and was so nervous, and I think he almost cried there a couple times. I don’t know how I got the "I do" out wiithout sobbing through that, that part was really clear on the video. And him, when he said "I do" and looked at me, I think I could have seen into his soul, but I was about to cry myself so didn’t look into his eyes all that much. That day I thought there was no way in the world, I thought it impossible, to love him more than I did there that day. I was so wrong. Love is infinite. Never ending. Never stops growing. I heard on tv, love is infinite, you can always make more when you need it, and just because you want to give some to someone else, doesn’t mean that you will be taking any away from me. I love that saying. That is how it is witht Wally and Christian, my love for those two will never stop growing. I do wish that I had included GOD more into our wedding though. And when GOD brings us back together, HE is going to be the center of everything.
Goodnight Christian. I love you!
And Wally, I said till death do we part, and no matter what. I meant it. I love you too.
Today, tomorrow, always…….
Powered by Qumana
and another day goes by
So my day was pretty much the same old typical boring stuff. I was supposed to have gone to the hospital, again, and didn’t get to, again. What a shock eh. I told Tracy yesterday something would come up again and we wouldn’t go. However this time it wasn’t Mom’s fault. I’m not complaining though. I hate hospitals anyway. Besides, who cares if I live or die. So why bother.
I did find out some stuff today that I didn’t know. I won’t say what, or point anyone out to make them look bad but I will say this, people if you are for some reason (GOD forgive them) going to flat out lie to me, at least lie about something that I can’t make a simple phone call and find out the truth about it. It’s sad. Why lie to me in the first place? I’m known as being too forgiving anyway. Sheesh. And I’m not as stupid as a lot of people seem to think that I am.
That felt good, though it woud feel so much better to say some things out loud instead of writing them on here where the person will never read them. Oh well.
GOD, thank you for this day, nothing all that dramatic happened and it was for the most part peaceful. Thank you for bringing this guy back into my mom’s life, she is happy for the first time in a long time, and is now looking forward to her future, with him, and I thank you for bringing them back together at the perfect time. Your time is always perfect and this is a big revelation of that perfection. Watch out for my dad tonight. Help him to overcome this depression and anxiety that he is dealing with now and be with him when he gets those test results and help him to be able to handle those. I pray that the doctors are wrong and that it isn’t cancer, but if it is GOD I ask you to be there for him to lean on. GOD if Cathy is going to be good to him and will help him to come back to you then FATHER I pray that you let her be there for him. But GOD I also ask that if it isn’t going to be good and/or safe for her then don’t let her get herself in that situation. Watch over her and her three kids and if it isn’t going to be physically safe for her, then show her to get away from my dad before she gets hurt, or worse her children see her be hurt. LORD he’s a descent man when he isn’t drunk, I ask that you help Cathy to keep Daddy away from the stuff that shouldn’t be in his life. GOD I also ask that you let my son and my husband know tonight and forever that I do and will always love them, no matter what. LORD, keep us together in one of your hands. Your hands are that big, and I know if we are in your hands, nothing can destroy us. I’m waiting for you LORD and I will continue to wait for you to give me what you promised me until your perfect time. GOD you gave me the greatest gifts in the world and I did take them for granted and I’m sorry for that. I won’t anymore and I thank you for showing me that I did in fact do that. Thank you for revealing the things in my life that I have done wrong, and thank You for giving me the chance to make them right. Thank You for giving us your SON JESUS CHRIST so that we can all have not only second, but third fourth fifth and endless chances. FATHER I don’t knoy if my husband is still serving You or not but Christian did tell me that he takes him to church. GOD please bring him back to you and if he is already there give him the strength and conviction to help him to keep JESUS in his heart and to keep You as RULER and KEEPER of his soul. Let him know that he has a wife, who although I’m not with him physically, I’m always there for him and love him unconditionally. FATHER my baby said and did some things in his sleep the other night that worry me. GOD please don’t let it be what I fear and let it just be bad dreams, and if it is bad dreams give him relief from that. Also, GOD I don’t understand all of my dreams but I do believe some of them are from you. I have to ask you to watch over my father-in-law and keep him safe. And wherever Jes is tonight keep a watchful eye out for her. In Jesus Christ’s name I pray. Amen, and Amen.
Goodnight Christian and Wally. I love y’all!
Powered by Qumana
