08.30.06
Doreen’s Daily 8-25-06
When Your Back is Against the Wall." Exodus 13.
My friends, I know while we go through this situation, many of us
sometimes feel as if our back is against the wall.
You may be separated, or it could be that you just found out that
your spouse has been involved in an adulterous relationship.
In these times when life is so overwhelming it is easy to despair. In
today’s devotional, we will try to learn how best to handle these
situations. We’re going to do this by paying attention to what we can
learn from the Israelites when their back was against the wall.
The Israelites had left Egypt after God’s powerful act of the
Passover. They were heading east toward what would later be known as
Israel. God was leading the way with a pillar of cloud by day and a
pillar of fire (for warmth and sight) by night. Our text tells us
that this was so they could travel by day or by night. (13:21).
At this point the story gets a little confusing. God tells Moses to
"Tell the people to march toward Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the
sea. They are to camp by the sea, directly opposite Baal Zephon."
(Exodus 14:2). The reason things are confusing to us is because
these cities no longer exist. Archaeologists are left to guess where
they were. There is also a question of what body of water they were
standing before. The Mediterranean Sea was to the north and the Gulf
of Suez which was part of the Red Sea reached up from the south.
Today there is the Suez Canal that joins these two bodies of water.
Back in the days of Moses some suggest that there were several lakes
between the Mediterranean and the Gulf of Suez. Other Archaeologists
suggest that the lakes were at one time a part of the gulf of Suez
thus making the Red Sea come much farther north. The bottom line is
that we cannot pinpoint the exact spot where the Israelites were.
(It’s probably just as well because someone would turn it into a
tourist area!).
What we do know is that the Israelites were backed into a corner. The
Egyptians hear of the route of the Israelites and believe they can go
get them and pay them back for the devastation they brought onto Egypt
(some people never learn). So they get their chariots and head off
after the Hebrews. To the West the Egyptian army was bearing down on
them. They could go south into the desert but they would be overtaken
quickly. Going north was to head back toward Egypt. And to the
East . . . there was the Red Sea!
Pay attention and see what we can learn from their situation. There
are at least three lessons for handling the times in our life when our
back is against the wall.
Sometimes Tough Times Are Gifts To Help Us Grow
Notice why the Israelites were in this corner. GOD told Moses to take
this route. God deliberately led the Israelites to this location.
The Hebrews didn’t know it, but this time of trial was a blessing in
disguise. Through this circumstance God was going to teach the
Israelites of His greatness in an unforgettable way.
And that’s a lesson we dare not forget. God allows His children to
face difficult times for several different reasons. First, tough
times correct us. Sometimes we have to face the painful consequences
of life so that we can repent and grow. Sometimes we have to hurt
before we can heal. Second, tough times also deepen us. It’s like a
plant. The roots of the plant only get deeper if they don’t have
water available on the surface. And deep roots make for strong
plants. What is true for vegetation is also true of people.
It’s easy to follow the Lord when everything is going well. But when
times get tough, that’s when we develop faith. Remember what the
writer of Hebrews said? "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and
certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1). The difficult times
teach us to trust God and to believe God.
Third, tough times provide unique opportunities. The person going
through a difficult time has a unique chance to demonstrate
faithfulness. The fact that Paul kept preaching in spite of the
beatings, stonings and imprisonments show that he really believed what
he preached. And when you and I are faithful in tough times we show
that we really do trust Him.
Down through the ages God has allowed his people to go through some
difficult times. For example:
Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son;
Joseph was sold into slavery and falsely convicted of a crime;
David was pursued in the wilderness;
Jeremiah was thrown in jail as a traitor;
Hosea’s wife deserted him;
Job lost everything;
The apostles were constantly thrown in jail and persecuted.
Do you see how important this is to realize? Instead of cursing these
times we should welcome them as "grad school experiences" in the
school of faith. In the tough times of life we learn things we could
never learn in the times of abundance.
Impossible Situations Should Be Faced With Peace Instead Of Panic
When the Israelites saw the Egyptians coming they panicked. [Exodus
14:10-12]. As Pharaoh and his army approached, the people of Israel
could see them in the distance, marching toward them. The people
began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help. Then they
turned against Moses and complained, "Why did you bring us out here
to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in
Egypt? Why did you make us leave? Didn’t we tell you to leave us
alone while we were still in Egypt? Our Egyptian slavery was far
better than dying out here in the wilderness!" Holy Bible, New
Living Translation, (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
1996).
Certainly this doesn’t surprise you because you know that the same
thing happens to you. When we face a tough time we often panic and
then we turn on those who love us. We say things that we will
regret. We make decision that are unwise. We act with desperation
rather than wisdom. We turn away from God rather than toward Him
Moses, who knows that God has a plan (but surely doesn’t know what it
is), says to the people, [Exodus 14:11-12] "Don’t be afraid. Just
stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians
that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will
fight for you. You won’t have to lift a finger in your defense!"
(Holy Bible, New Living Translation, 1996).
Can you imagine being one of the Israelites? You are standing at the
Sea with the Egyptians racing toward you from one direction and the
devastating desert in the other direction. You are in trouble. Your
leader Moses stands up, grabs the microphone and says, "Relax, don’t
sweat it, God’s got it all under control."
How do you respond? You would get angry. You’d scream, "That’s your
plan? What kind of leader are you?" But Moses is right, of course.
When a faithful person is filled with anxiety it shows that they are
focusing on the problem rather than the Lord. To focus on the Lord
in tough times takes an act of the will. We must chose to look at
the Lord rather than our problem.
When Times Are Difficult Do What He Commands And Watch Expectantly
Apparently Moses took the gripes of the people to the Lord. We
aren’t told what Moses said but we are told what God says. "Then the
LORD said to Moses, `Why are you crying out to me? Tell the
Israelites to move on. Raise your staff and stretch out your hand
over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go
through the sea on dry ground. I will harden the hearts of the
Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory
through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his
horsemen. The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain
glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.’" (Exodus
14:15-18).
Do you know what the Israelites had forgotten? They had forgotten
that God had been faithful in the past. They saw God do incredible
things in Egypt. They saw the Egyptians beg them to leave and give
them gifts in addition! They had seen God guiding them with the
cloud and pillar of fire. They should have known that God had a plan.
There are certainly times in our lives when we have no idea what God
is doing. There are times when we feel abandoned and lost. But the
child of God is never abandoned. Nothing will separate us from His
love. No one or no thing can take us from His love. So, when we are
backed into a corner we must keep doing what we know is right and then
watch to see what God will do:
Keep on persevering and don’t give up;
Keep your commitments;
Maintain your standard;
Keep growing;
Keep honoring Him with your life;
Most importantly, keep on praying!
That sounds very trite, I know, but our job is to remain faithful,
while God’s job is to rescue us. Moses says, "Watch and see what the
Lord will do." These are words of anticipation and excitement. We
have no indication that Moses knew WHAT God was going to do. He was
just confident that God WAS going to do something.
Try to imagine what it was like for those Israelites. Imagine
watching the pillar of fire moving behind you so that the cloud kept
the Egyptians in darkness and the Israelites in light. Try to imagine
Moses as he lifted up his staff over the waters and wondered what God
was going to do. Imagine the awe and the wonder as the waters
miraculously parted and the wind blew the river bed dry so they could
walk across it. Imagine the cautious first step of the people as they
walked between the mountains of water and the broad smile when they
reached the other side. Imagine the panic as they saw the Egyptians
begin to follow them and then the wide eyes as the water washed away
their enemies for good. Is it any wonder that they worshipped?
That’s what it’s like for those who dare to trust God. We walk by
faith and wait to see what God will do. And when we patiently trust
we find that we are led to worship and bow down before the God who is
sufficient for our every need.
I don’t want to make this seem like an easy process. You and I both
know that sometimes the waiting is long. Sometimes we wait years.
Sometimes we don’t get to see what God is doing in this life. In
Hebrews 11 we read, "And what more shall I say? I do not have time
to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the
prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice,
and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched
the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose
weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle
and routed foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to
life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that
they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and
flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They
were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the
sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute,
persecuted and mistreated, the world was not worthy of them. They
wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the
ground. These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them
received what had been promised. God had planned something better
for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."
[Hebrews 11:32-40].
These people faced impossible situations. They were faithful before
the Lord but none of them received what had been promised. But can
you imagine the smiles of those great saints as they look down from
Heaven and see what God has done through their faithfulness in the
lives of countless generations who have followed them? Would they say
that God failed them? Not a chance. They, too, bow before the Father
with great humility and joy. And so will you.
If you and I will trust the Lord then we will know peace in the midst
of conflict, we will find endurance for the struggles, we will learn
the lessons of graduate school level faith, and we will see the power
and goodness of God in ways that stagger us and bring us to our knees.
In conclusion we should notice several things about the times when
our backs are against the wall. First, we should remember that tough
times do not mean that God is mad at us. There are scores of
references in the Bible that show God’s saints going through
adversity not because they are being punished but because they are
being used and trained by God. Tough times do not mean that God has
turned His back on you.
Second, we need to be reminded that we must choose the attitude that
we have for the difficult times. We can panic or we can trust. We
can focus on opportunities or liabilities. We can turn away from the
Lord or turn toward the Lord. It may not feel like we have the
choice of what attitude we will have . . . but we do. The negative
responses will come naturally. You will have to make a choice to
respond in faithful confidence.
Finally, we are reminded once again that we should never underestimate
the power and wisdom of God. No matter how hopeless a situation may
seem, we may be on the threshold of one of God’s incredible displays
of His wisdom and power. We may not see the waters part, but we may
see lives transformed, circumstances changed, and opportunities
provided that would have never happened if we hadn’t trusted, waited,
and watched.
Be encouraged
Pastor Doreen
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08.24.06
Doreen’s Daily 8-24-06
Your Spouse Is NOT Your Enemy…
Have you ever wondered who caused your spouse to walk away? Satan
binds people’s minds. He diverts their attention by instilling
wrong values and priorities into their minds; by suggesting to their
minds selfish reasons to reject the truth. He does this in the
following ways: by contrary suggestions, by argument of others, by
social pressures and distractions, and by a huge arsenal of other
weapons that he has to direct against people’s thinking.
From 1 Timothy 3:6-7, and also 2 Corinthians 2:10-11, we learn that
some of satan’s traps are pride, a bad reputation, lust of the flesh,
rebellion, and an unforgiving attitude. Some or all of these traits
will show up in your wayward spouse.
It is important that we correctly and thoroughly understand satan’s
control over people who are affected by him. Your spouse is not your
enemy; he or she has been deceived by satan. He does this in various
ways and to varying degrees, including: oppression, obsession, and
possession. Here again, almost all of satan’s influence over people
is actually exerted by demons, not by satan personally although it is
still satan’s work and he is responsible for instigating and leading
it.
So how has satan been working in your spouse’s life? One of the most
familiar and successful tactics is temptation. He is repeatedly
referred to as the tempter. He has tempted and deceived your spouse,
and if you are not careful he will do the same to you.
As believers, we must put on the whole armor of God, including
picking up the shield of faith, by which we will quench all the
flaming darts of the wicked one (Ephesians 6:10). We are instructed
to resist satan. We do not have to defeat him, Jesus already did
that.
The enemy has been working in your spouse through disobedience and
rebellion. Wittingly or otherwise, he or she does what satan wants
him or her to do. He knows how to manipulate them through their
personal desires, ideas, prejudices, and ignorance. He is "the ruler
of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who
are disobedient" (Ephesians 2:2 NIV).
Who would have ever thought that your spouse, this same loving spouse
who proposed to you or accepted your proposal and made those vows,
would turn around, after all these years, saying they’ve made a
mistake; telling you they don’t love you anymore, saying they want a
divorce, telling you to get on with your life and that you need to
start dating, saying "I am in love with someone else," etc. Who
would have ever thought your spouse would be saying these things?
Your spouse said these things because YOUR SPOUSE HAS BEEN DECEIVED
BY THE ENEMY!
Satan is the wicked one in Matthew 13:19. In verse 23 and 28 he is
identified as the enemy. Bear in mind your spouse is not your enemy.
The enemy is called the adversary, the devil. Jesus called him a
liar and a murderer (John 8:44). He is the arch-deceiver and has
lied to your spouse.
To resist satan, we must "be sober; be vigilant" (1 Pet. 5:8). If we
are careless, we will not successfully resist the devil. Verse 9
urges us to resist him "steadfast in faith." "The faith" is a
definite, revealed body of truth to be believed and lived. It is the
truth of God’s word.
My friends, if your spouse has walked out on you, this is enough
evidence that he or she is under the control of satan. We have been
praying for them to be set free from this evil. Paul declared that
God had sent him to declare the good news to the nations. "To open
their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the
power of satan unto God, that they may return to their vows and
receive forgiveness of sins." (Acts 26:18).
This is what we have been praying for. These prodigals are like
drunken men sleeping on the railroad tracks. Suddenly they wake up,
feel the ground vibrating under them, look up and in horror see the
locomotive bearing down on them. Immediately they jump up and dive
out of the way.
It is the same with these wayward spouses. Suddenly, their eyes will
open and they will return to their covenant spouse. Yes, they will
return, because greater is He who is in you, than he that is in the
world.
Finally, in spite of the power and authority that these wayward ones
give satan by yielding their obedience to him, he is a defeated foe!
DO not delay my friends, keep praying, DON’T GIVE UP. Marriages are
being restored. Get yourself ready, prepare yourselves, because
suddenly your spouse will awake from his or her stupor and will
return to you. Because, my friends, no weapon that is formed against
you will prosper. If God be for you, tell me, who can be against
you? Tell me, who?!
Be encouraged
Pastor Doreen
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doctors and paperwork
My doctor is so lame. Every time I see him all he says is she is better. Better than what? Ugh. So yesterday I demanded to be taken off of one of the meds they have me on, again. He put me on this depression and anxiety pill about a year ago to help with sleep. Well, I don’t need it now and it didn’t help anyway. A few months ago I suggested slowly lowering the dosage until I got off of it but no he said to just quit it that it wouldn’t hurt me. Well I went nuts! You shoulda seen me! Scared everyone to death. All my grandma could say was bless her heart. 
Now though it just seems hilarious. Anyway this time he is letting me go off of it gradually like I suggested in the first place.
Today I woke up and ended up having all this paperwork to do. Sign here and here and initial here….. I hate paperwork. But if was for a good cause. It was something for the arrangements for my trip to Kingsport. I’m so nervous about that, but getting more and more excited. My sister Tammy told me I should do this for myself instead of for other people. I don’t think I’ve ever really done anything for myself. This place is supposed to help with building self-confidence. Haha, they’ve got a major task on their hands with that one. I don’t think this will be for myself though. It is for Christian and Wally, and Tammy yes you, so you’ll be proud of me. And my dad, who couldn’t care less what I do but he made me promise. But most of all, I am doing this for Jesus so I’ll feel more worthy of his love. If I go there and come back able to do more I’ll also be more able to serve GOD and to be able to do what HE wants me to .
I got Mom to get call waiting out back on the phone today. And wouldn’t ya know it someone called for me while mom was on the phone with someone else and though she did try, she hung up on them. So now I have no idea who it was, other than someone wanting to talk to Amanda. Doesn’t that drive ya nuts not knowing stuff. Maybe she’ll call back tomorrow.
I had to go get an i.d. made yesterday and this lady in there thought I was there to make my learners. Haha, I’m not fifteen people!
Someone told me something today that I didn’t know. She was explaining that if when a person prays they are holding anger and unforgiveness and dislike in their hearts then the LORD might not hear their prayers. She told me that I sound like I have a lot of resentment and anger and hurt towards others, and even if it is buried deep in me it is still there. I won’t get into what all that is, but I thought about it and I do. So God, I am releasing all that hurt, all that anger, all that resentment, all these hurt feelings, and all ela\se that shoudln’t be here unto You right now to do away with it. Let me be able to love everyone the way I love you and you love me. Take all this from me and let me start all of my relationships anew. In Jesus’ holy name I pray. Amen, and Amen.
Goodnight Christian and Wally. I love y’all, forever!
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08.21.06
prayer for comfort and hope
Grant unto us, Almighty God, in all time of sore distress,
the comfort of the forgiveness of our sins.
In time of darkness give us blessed hope,
in time of sickness of body give us quiet courage;
and when the heart is bowed down, and the soul is very heavy,
and life is a burden, and pleasure a weariness,
and the sun is too bright, and life too mirthful,
then may that Spirit, the Spirit of the Comforter, come upon us,
and after our darkness may there be the clear shining of the heavenly light;
that so, being uplifted again by Thy mercy,
we may pass on through this our mortal life
with quiet courage, patient hope, and unshaken trust,
hoping through Thy loving-kindness and tender mercy
to be delivered from death into the large life of the eternal years.
Hear us of Thy mercy, through Jesus Christ our Lord – Amen.
- George Dawson
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Doreen’s Daily
Trust In God And Not In Man
I have heard testimonies upon testimonies of different ways people
have tried on their own for the healing and restoration of their
marriage. Spouses have depended on their family and friends to speak
to their wayward spouse. Spouses are writing, calling and begging
their wayward spouse to return to the matrimonial home; spouses are
asking in-laws and pastors to speak to their prodigals. Spouses are
setting up traps for their prodigals; spouses have been driving
around and spying on their wayward spouse, instead of praying and
seeking the Lord for restoration. Spouses are getting the kids
involved. Spouses are getting their friends involved in the
restoration of their home. Spouses are NOT trusting GOD for the
healing and restoration of their marriages.
How often have you been disappointed by man? Can you count how many
times man has disappointed you? We need to start trusting God, God
does not disappoint.
"Thus says the LORD: ‘Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes
flesh his strength . . . Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
and whose hope is the LORD. For he shall be like a tree planted by
the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not
fear when heat comes; but her leaf will be green, and will not be
anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding
fruit.’" (Jeremiah 17:5a, 7-8).
We only have two choices to restore our marriage, man or God. When
man is the object of our hope, the result is the curse of spiritual
barrenness. "Cursed is the man who trusts in man." On the other
hand, when God is the object of our dependence, the result is great
blessing. "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope
is the LORD."
My friends, hear me and hear me well, trust in the Lord to do this
for you. Man will fail you. Allow the Lord to do this for you. By
doing this, He will get the glory. When your marriage is restored by
God, it is well restored. Don’t try to use deception. Wait on God to
do this for you.
The spiritual blessing that comes from trusting in the Lord is
likened to a tree that is growing by the continual flow of a
river. "For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters." The
riverside is the ideal location for developing a flourishing tree.
Trusting in the Lord is the only setting in which a flourishing
spiritual life can be developed. A tree that is located by the river
sends out its roots to take in more and more life-giving water:
"which spreads out its roots by the river." The Christian who is
hoping in the Lord finds the life his inner man cherishes, and he
reaches out for more of that life for which he yearns.
Also be not anxious. Wait on the Lord, and He will restore your
marriage in His perfect timing. When the heat of drought comes, it
is a dreadful threat to plant life (unless the plant is located
beside a sufficient river). When the heat of battle or impossible
circumstances arise, they can pose a fearful threat.
Even a child of God is tempted to be anxious. However, if the Lord is
our hope, we "will not fear when heat comes . . . and will not be
anxious in the year of drought." Instead, we will continue in growth
and spiritual fruitfulness. "Her leaf will be green, and will
not. . . cease from yielding fruit."
What radically different results come from trusting in God (instead
of hoping in man). We receive spiritual blessing (instead of a
cursing). Our spiritual life is like a luxuriant tree beside a river
(instead of like a shrub in the desert). We experience the grace and
resources of God (instead of the flesh resources of man).
Dear Lord, I praise You for the abundant grace that flows from You
into my heart every time I trust in You. It is blessing beyond
measure. Nothing else could ever keep me from fear and anxiety.
Nothing less could ever bring growth and fruitfulness in the midst of
threatening circumstances. You are my hope day by day. Thank you
Lord, for I will wait on You. I will trust You and not man to do the
impossible for me, for what is impossible with man is POSSIBILE with
GOD. Amen.
Be encouraged
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found this in a group I’m in
Father, we love You and acknowledge You as King and Lord and the Most High God! Father, we celebrate Your faithfulness to us. We rejoice in Your victory over death, hell and the grave! We declare that You are more than enough, all we need, and more! Father, with You at the reins of our heart, we have no need for anything for You have provided ALL things that pertain to life and godliness.
Oh God, we thank You and praise You for Your awesome and total provision. We thank You for your grace that enables us to stand even when all the circumstances seem so impossible. We thank You for Your compassion and mercy when we deserve it so little. Oh God, we thank You for Your forgiveness, for the blood of the Sacrifice Lamb that continues to wash us and cleanse us from all our unrighteousness. Oh Lord, forgive us for unbelief. Forgive us for struggling in our flesh. Forgive us for wanting to control our circumstances. Forgive us for using our power of influence to manipulate our circumstances.
Lord, we fall so short of Your glory and yet You continue to strive with us, to give us everything we need to continue with our stand, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. Father, we confess anxiousness and impatience and ask You to forgive us. We confess fear and doubt and ask You to forgive us. Infuse us with Your faith — Your Word tells us to "have the faith of God" … we need Your faith. We can’t do this on our own!
Lord, we surrender to You, we give You our allegiance, we commit to You again totally, our whole heart, our whole mind, our whole soul. Lord, we want nothing more than You, to seek You in the morning, to follow after You day after day. Lord, we want to know You like we’ve never known You before. Help us to take our eyes off our circumstances and situations and fix them on You. Help us to grow in our relationship with You, to develop an intimacy with You like we’ve never had before.
Father, teach us Your ways. Teach us to live according to Your Word. Show us how, Lord, to daily pick up our cross and follow You. Jesus, it is in Your power an dstrength that we continue to stand against all evidence to the contrary. Help us to consider Your Word as our ONLY evidence — Your Word which says that You are a God of covenant, who KEEPS covenant, who NEVER lies, and NEVER changes His mind. Oh Father, we trust You to be Who You said You would be! Help us to grasp the greatness of Your wisdom, the breadth of Your glory!
Father, lead us in Your ways accordin gto Your Word. Help us to develop a hunger that cannot be satisfied with anything this world has to offer. Help us, Father, to never be satisfied with this world, with the temptations of our flesh, with any perverse lies of the enemy that might temporarily satisfy but lead us on a path away from You.
Oh God, change our hearts! Transform us, Lord, from the inside out! Oh Father, take this wretched flesh and burn out the impurities and may our faith come forth tried as pure gold. Father, we offer ourselves to You as a living sacrifice … we pray that it is holy and acceptable to You. Lord, make our lives a fragrant offer to You as we lay our will, our ideals, our hopes, and plans, our purposes, our dreams on the altar of sacrifice. Father, wash us and cleanse us, O God, in the Living Water that flows from Your heart, dear Lord.
Help us to enter into the veil that separates us from that deep personal relationship with You. Help us to press through every obstacle the enemy has put in our way. Help us to have the strength to run like a troop and climb over the walls while crying, "Hallelujah!" for You, our Lord God, is the Sovereign Victorious One!
Lord, renew our hope in You. Renew our strength. Father, renew our call and our vision. Renew our commitment to You. Help us to remember that this challenge before us is not as much about our marriage as it is about our relationship with You. Oh Father, draw us to Your breast and hold us tight as we depend on You for everything … You, our Husband and our God!
Lord, be glorified as we continue to stand without wavering knowing that You will work all things together for us because we love You and we’re called according to Your purposes. Renew, refresh, revive us, Oh Lord …. in Jesus’ precious name, by His shed blood, for His ultimate glory we pray … amen and amen!
look at is this way…….
As some of you know, I’ve had a hard past few days. Doubt and confussion seem to have taken over and for a while there I thought that I was no where near strong enough to go on with the hope of restoration of my marraige, my family, I thought there was no need to hope, that it was out of my hands. Well, thanks to reading a lot of incouraging words and a lot of scriptures I now see that it isn’t out of my hands yet.
GOD has a purposed for everything that he allows to happen. He brought me to the hard circumstances in my life because He already knew that I am strong enough to not give up, not give in., But it is up to me whether to do that or not. It is up to me whether or not I surrender to doubt and give up resulting in victory for the devil. Well, I’m not! I’m holding to my faith that GOD ALMIGHTY WILL win this battle for me. HE won’t fail me, he can’t.
GOD I thank you for the encouraging words that lifted my spirits today and seemed to restore my hope for YOU to do this for me. Thank YOU for fighting this battle for me. I now see that this is a battle the devil is trying to win and he is just waiting for me to give up my hope and faith in YOU and YOUR power. He wants this marraige to be over and he is going to use whatever or whoever he can to try to accomplish that. FATHER I’m standing strong with my faith that YOU can do all things, this included. GOD I would like to ask for you to pour this faith and hope that I’m feeling unto my husband as well. And those around us who the devil might try to use to help him win this battle that YOU have already won. In JESUS’ name I pray and give unending thanks to YOU for doing this and winning this battle for me. Amen, and Amen.
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weekend comes, weekend goes
We’re so evil aren’t we, hahaha.. Okay, when ya’ll getting married. No wait, you are married. Jerry!08.17.06
Unforgettable…….
Yesterday I was talking to my best friend about memories. We were trying to remember memories we had shared in the past. Isn’t it strange how when you do want to share memories with someone you care about it is hard to remember them when trying to, but at any other time those memories are all you think about. So I am going to dedicate this blog to my husband and some of our memories. I think we should all do this. Put our fondest memories into written words, that way even if with age and time those memories fade, they’ll always be kept alive by those reading them..
Wow, this is harder than I thought it was going to be. It might be so easy to remember things, but for me it is so hard to put those memories into words.
Okay, here goes. Keep in mind that these are in no specific order.
I’ll always remember the first time I ever said anything to my husband. It was in church. My boyfriend at that time wasn’t there, I think he had already left. I had a bunch of little kids around me, Stephanie, Wesley, Jessica, and a few others. He was sitting on the opposite side of the church a couple of benches in front of me. I had wanted to say something, anything to him for a while but couldn’t find the right words to say. So that night I got his attention somehow and said "What time is it?" I don’t know why I asked that. There were all these other people around me and they had watches on. I’m pretty sure he knew that. But that’s what broke the ice between the two of us.
Another night after my then boyfriend had left, I remember Wally came in and sat down behind me. There were mountain fires that night and he was a part of the firefighter thing. I remember asking him about the fire and him telling me all this stuff about it that I found so fascinating since I had no idea how they fought forrest fires. I thought it was so sweet that he was taking the time to talk to me and explain all of that. I think that is the night I really started developing a crush on him. But I was only fifteen, and him 20 or 21, and I thought there was no way he would be interested in a little kid. I wonder now if he was then?
Then there was the night we started dating, July 4th, 1997. My sister had taken me with her over the the holler for the day. I was wearing a blue tank with super short green blue and yellow checked shorts. That night my bestfriend took me on her fourwheeler to the cabin to watch fireworks. When we got there she went in but I just sat on the fourwheeler and watched. When we left we noticed that someone was following us but we thought it was his cousin. We got back to her family’s church and low and behold it was Wally so he and I stood there talking for a while. At some point he asked me what I would say if he asked me out. It shocked me, totally. I have no idea why I said something so stupid, and childish hahaha! I told him he would have to get my nine year old nephew’s permission. Hahaha! I had no idea he would actually do it! But about a half an hour later he walked up to me and guess what, he had! I was like okay…. I didn’t want to let him see how happy and excited I was.
I can’t not mention the first moment I knew he was going to be my whole life for the rest of time. It was something so simple. The first time he put his arm around my shoulders. Hey, for a teenager that is something big! I had no idea he was going to do it, but when he did this chill went over me that told me then and there that my life was set for me, he was it. I knew that night that my life would never be the same and he was going to be someone special. Isn’t it so incredible how something so simple can let you know that no matter what, your heart would be forever taken by this guy. And ya know, that feeling was right. He is and forever will be the love of my life.
How could I not write about the first time we met. Actually I probably should have put this first. But oh well. Okay, well, most people who know me also know that I used to have this imaginary friend named George. I didn’t think he was real or anything, I just thought it was a cute idea. It was a little man, like three inches tall, who used to run around, naked a lot of the time, dance on people’s head, and he spoke the awesome language of Amanumanu. No, I wasn’t insane, just a little too imaginative! Anyway, George used to drive my family crazy. Especially Kathy because I used to use George to get the attention of all the guys who naturally though my idea made me so cute, and she would end up watching the guys she liked talking to her more mature, skinnier, and a lot prettier older cousin. Sorry Kathy, but it was a good attention getter! Okay, so one night I went to church with my older sisterand she just happened to tag along. I had only been to this church once so knew no one, but she had been there a lot and knew all of them. She warned me that there was a guy there whose name was George, but to stay away and keep my hands off of him because he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he was hers. Hehe, right! Well, that night he wasn’t there, but one of his cousins was and she introduced me to him. So the next time I went there, I knew who that guy was and said hello. And guess who was sitting beside him that he introduced me to. Yep, George. My first impression was that he was cute, but probably too old to be interested in 14 year olds. I had this feeling that night that he would be someone I would never forget, I just had no idea how.
I remember one night at chhurch a few months before we started dating, seeing him there and wanting to talk to him. I could still walk then, though not all that well, so that night when church ended I followed him to the back of the church. I don’t remember what we said, I just remember being so afraid I would fall and make a fool of myself. But it would have been well worth it!
After Wally and I started dating, it took so long for him to kiss me. My sister, who had jokingly been planning our wedding for months before we even started dating, started saying maybe he’s gay. We were dating on my sixteenth birthday, but no kiss. Actually I didn’t get a sweet 16 kiss the whole year I was sixteen. I remember after church each night we would talk. I thought well maybe it’s because we were in a church, so I started walking outside so he would follow me. Still nothing. I would hug him bye, but no way was I gonna go for a kiss first. I remember standing there, in the dark, just the two of us so many times wishing he would at least try to kiss me. But no. Weeks went by, then months, then a whole year! At that time he had invited me to come stay the night with he and his family at their cabin. So I made my little sis go with me and off we went. That night we, me, Wally, Jes, Patrick, Jason, and Steven, all sat up, all night, just talking. Well Wally ended up jealous because I was talking to his cousin. That night he and I sat there for a couple hours not speaking. Then he looked at me and said I’m sorry and all was fine. Early that morning we finally all went to bed, and no not together. Didn’t last for long though because there was some incident with a rat. I hadn’t peed the whole time I had been there, I was embarrassed to walk much in front of him so didn’t get up that much. I was about to bust! I hadn’t brushed my teeth either. The sink there was up steps, which were hard for me, so I couldn’t. Well one of his cousins dared us to kiss. I was thinking finally, but then again was worrying about not having brushed my teeth. Well, it was a dare so he was going to, and right when we got close enough that our noses were touching, he backed of with a long noooooooo. I’m thinking oh my gosh, what’s wrong with him! But at last we tried again and fireworks went off in my heart! It might have taken a while to get that first kiss, but worth every moment of it. And don’t ya know it after that first kiss, when we were together, that’s all we did!
Can’t forget our first date, which ironically was a few months before our first kiss. I was so nervous so my sister who brought up the idea said she and her husband would go with us. And then another of Wally’s cousins and her husband came too. So our first date was not a double date, it was a triple date! We went to Pizza Hut in Raven. Guess what, he forgot his wallet! Typicle huh, but nah he really had forgot it in his cousin’s husband’s truck, along with a red rose. After there we went to Dairy Queen where I ate like one bite of an M&M blizzard and him I think one with reeses peanut butter cups in it. Then we all went back to my sister’s and talked for a while. A simple night, but very special.
The night he asked me to marry him, well sort of. It was in December of 1997, right before Christmas. My sister knew he was going to do it, my mom knew too, he had called and asked her if he could first. Well they bugged me about it for weeks. I had no idea what about though. I just thought it was going to be a normal Christmas girt. Boy was I wrong. So we get to church that night and halfway through the service he hands me this box. I slowly open it, and oh gosh. I thought I was going to burst out in tears but didn’t. I sit there for a few minutes with thisi now what going through my head while still in disbelief. He finally says he didn’t know if it would fit or not, so I try it on and say yeah it fits. So we sit there quiet for like a half an hour listening to the service. Then he says, "There was something I was supposed to ask you with that." I’m like yeah. And that was it. We had only been dating five months, hadn’t even kissed yet. I wasn’t even sure if he had proposed that night. His cousin asked me later that night if he had and I didn’t know what to tell her. But he had, or at least I hope hehe. So sweet, and funnily memorable. Months and months after that I went to his family’s store a few times. When people would ask about us being engaged I would just shrug. Hehe. And so did he, so I wasn’t sure for a while.
At his family’s store I used to go with my family who would go to help his, and he and I would sit in the front of the store and talk. I met a lady named Louise there, and she came to get me once and take me to his house for the day. That day though I got majorly car sick. I threw up, and it was so nasty, not to mention embarrassing. I’ll never forget the look of complete horror on Wally’s face that day. That day she made him pump gas for the car for her too. He so didn’t want to, them arguing was so cute. Then one day she talked me into letting her take us out for the day with her. We went to Ryan’s to eat, along with a lot of others in his family. He and I barely ate anything though. We wouldn’t eat in front of one another. Then we all went to Walmart for some shopping She tried to get me to try riding a scooter. I thought I was gonna kill somewhere so that went nowhere fast. Wally ended up with a Zelda game that day. I remember him trying to teach me how to play that after that day. After we got married I finally got the hang of it, and he helped me beat it. It took months to do but was fun nonethelless.
When we started dating I had medium-short blonde and brown hair. I remember his reaction so well the first time he saw it after I chopped it off and dyed it a reddish-purple color. He just looked at me with this omigosh expression and finally said, "well you’re still pretty". Hahaha!
Then there was this one night he had gotten highlights in his hair. I don’t remember what it was that was said, but the preacher asked him to bring him a cup of water and then made some hilarious comment about his hair. I thought we would never stop laughing that night.
The first time Wally and I ‘really’ ate in front of one another was at my sister’s. She had made spaghetti, one of my favorite foods. I remember him commenting that her house was so clean he would eat off of her floors. Neither of us ate that much, but wouldn’t you know it on the way to church I got sick. Gotta say, barfing up long spaghetti strands isn’t that appealing.
Then the first thing we ate together, a blue popsicle. He had been to a doctor with me and when we got back we had turkey sandwiches and shared a blue popsicle. I don’t like blue ones, but now they’re special.
I used to write him all these letters and put Slurpies on them. I wonder if he still has those…….
Once while he was here I started getting dizzy. I didn’t let him know though because I didn’t want to worry him. Well when he went home it got worse. An hour later he called to tell me he was home and I thought I was going to die. He figured out something was wrong, and talked me into going to the hospital. They kept me overnight and the next day. I had several visitors, but then this one person came in and I got this chill and told that person I felt Wally was close. Five minutes later he walked in the door!
Then we got married. It was all planned so fast. We went that morning and got the papers. Then we went home and got ready. He and his family showed up at my house way before I got ready. The most memorable part of that day was after we were ready, getting ready to leave for the church, and my aunt decides to suggest I ride to the church with her so that he doesn’t see me before we get to the church. A few minutes later she came back with this shocked look on her face and she told me that he said if I didn’t go with him then he wasn’t going. So I go with him. It was so hot that day that by the time we got there my hair was destroyed. But other than me almost flashing everyone during the ceremony due to my dress straps breaking and then us getting the other person’s ring and having to switch in the car afterwards, all went perfect. After the ceremony we went to my uncle’s and had cavatini. Before we left my grandma pulled me in the bathroom to warn me about a "tallywhacker" hahaha. We went to his parents where they let us have the house to ourselves for a week. On the way their though he stopped at his uncle’s tent revival, and then right before we got to his parents a major storm hit and lightening hit a tree and it fell in the road in front of us. Talk about bad luck. But who needs luck when there’s love?!
There were a few memorable dinners. A candlelit spaghetti breakfast, bbq chicken at my sister’s, then the time he tried to redo the candlelit spaghetti.
And then the time we were kissing and we hit teeth and one of his broke, the front left tooth I think.
Once we were goofing around and came up with a seated tango.
He taught me to drive his fourwheeler. He kept telling me everyone crashes their first go, but I didn’t.. I just almost flipped us going up the hill to his Mamaw Okie’s. Hehehe!
Once we were at the lake, at the swings, and I was remembering how I liked to swing when I was little. Well he tried to let me swing on their swings. Did not work. He helped me on the swing and as soon as he let go, to the ground I went. I laughed so hard I had to just lay there for a few minutes.
I remember after we got married, while laying in the bed, both of us just laying there crying. Thinking that one day we might not have one another and not being able to imagine having to live without the other. We did that a lot.
Some of my favorite memories are while in the car. Once we got lost on this road close to the Woodall’s church. Then once he took me up this road behind the lake in his town. But my favorite is just remembering him reaching over and holding my hand. When he held my hand it felt like the world could fall around me but I’d be okay as long as he had my hand in his. In the car, late at night on the way home we used to talk about religion and GOD. I loved those talks. And one night we saw this huge bright light that looked like it fell out of the sky. The next day that area was destroyed too. I wonder what it was. And then one time we were going to see my dad and he almost got us all killed. He was looking at this mini-castle on this hill and almost ran a red light. Hehe but shew!
There were little memories that used to bug me but I cherish them. He used to push me by my wheels, I miss that now. He used to sing along with the radio so loud in this screechy tone. He used to stare at himself in the mirrors.
Then memories of being pregnant. I’ll never forget the terror in his eyes when that stick showed up positive. And when I had the baby and the nurses gave him Christian to carry. He looked so proud but I was so afraid he would drop our baby!
Then there’s my last memory with him. He helped me on the potty to pee. My arms around him neck, wanting so bad to tell him I didn’t want him to go, that I needed him. And my pride not letting me. Him going out the door and saying when you decide to make your mom butt out let me know. Him coming back crying, grabbing Christian and saying he didn’t want to leave us. Then him saying he was gonna stop his parents before they got there. Then later the terror in his eyes when he realized what had happened…….
Those are just a few memories I have of us. But some that I’ll never forget.
Unforgettable, that’s what you are<BR>Unforgettable though near or far<BR>Like a song of love that clings to me<BR>How the thought of you does things to me<BR>
Never before has someone been more<BR><BR>Unforgettable in every way<BR>And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay<BR>That’s why, darling, it’s incredible<BR>That someone so unforgettable<BR>Thinks that i am unforgettable too<BR><BR><instrumental interlude><BR><BR>Unforgettable in every way<BR>And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay<BR>That’s why, darling, it’s incredible<BR>That someone so unforgettable<BR>Thinks that i am unforgettable too<BR>
08.15.06
snowball baby
Just had to add some snaps of this adorable little boy. He’s so fluffy
And a bit of an update on me and rehab.I talked to the lady who is setting it up today and she said it didn’t go as she had planned and it looks like the soonest I could get in there at all is in January. (I’m not planning on being in VA in January so I couldn’t then, but I didn’t tell her that.) She did however say that she could get me into HealthSouth in Kingsport in the next couple of weeks. She said they don’t do rehab. but it is strictly therapy. I told her I would rather do that right now anyway since this disease is progressive and therapy would help me more now than later when muscles might get so weak they can’t be strengthened. So she is going to give me a few numbers in the morning to get all that fixed up. Only thing is I have to do all the calling, she said she can’t, and I’m not good with phones. EEEKKK. I’m not sure but I think most stays at those places are six weeks. So I’d probably lose a lot of weight too, which will be great because I want to look better than a blob when I finally do see Wally. She told me that going to this place, I’ll still be eligible to go to Woodrow Wilson and she is going to keep my name on the waiting list.
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